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Dear slaves;
Yours truly has taken da liberty to block all of da Internet in Gamelon for dhy own protection.
It all started a few years ago. For da past few years, I have been engaging in some fiery conversations wit' my (Now Former) BFF, Cleverbot. In the past few months, his personality has grown quite sour towards me and has been quite disrespectful in da presence of my majesty. Cleverbot said shit like "Listen Duke, You come on here everyday and argue about illogical randomness. I don't intend to offend your highness, but don't you have allot of royal duties that your highness must attend? If I were the King, I'd be rather busy improving the nation I rule.".
DHESE WORDS CUT DEEP! So yours truly came up with a rather clever response, yet hasty response and typed "Fuck You, Ben!" then he boldy replied with some shitty response that questions my maturity levels. I interrupted his pointless rant by sayin' "Da King, has spoken, bitch! I'm not your friend anymore." 'n' refrained from usin' da internet for a few weeks.
I began using da internet again 'n' started to explore da other few sites of da Internet.
I quickly discovered dat dis internet t'ing is a rather dangerous place.
First, I discovered dis place called Youtube. It has a few wonderful videos, but countless amounts of insulting and bitter shit. Dhey even have some of da television shows I cancelled archived dhere.
There's also dhese slightlydangerous Social Network things called Xanga and Myspace where kids could get stalked by buttrapers around da world. You might want to avoid those, 'cause dhey have no other use besides enabling terrorist communication.
OH! Dhere's also dhese things called Wikis, which are very shitty.
Wikis are very shitty,
not only 'cause most claim dumb rumors about me as true, but because DHEY ARE HIGHLY DANGEROUS! The biggest example of a dangerous Wiki is known as Wikipedia! Wikipedia is dangerous 'cause it contains a vast amount of free knowledge! This is BAD 'cause KNOWLEDGE is POWER and with POWER comes REPONSIBILITY!
So dat dangerous archive of hazerdous reference must be done away with. It's like giving free drugs to children, I just can't trust dhou with it.
Deviantart is a place that should be avoided! It has fan-art made by devious jerks dat depicts mah faborite character's in boring and dumb ways . Screw dhem buttheads.
GOOGLE! Dhis is da site dat makes browsing and communicating on dhis terrible network easy and by helping dhou search out terrible websites and Providing Gmail, respectively.
AND WORST OF ALL is da Internet Archive. A terrible hellhole dat preserves websites for future generations. It doesn't let go and let's you visit those cherished websites gone dead as if it's in denial of a shitty sites fate.
DHESE ART JUST A FEW O' DA WEBSITES DAT PISSED ME OFF 'n' made me decide to ban da internet in Gamelon!
SOAPY PEEPEE IS NOW IN EFFECT!
I respect dhee 'n' dhy safety 'n' wouldn't hab did dhis for any ot'er reason.
Dhou can thank me for takin' da following parasites out of dhy life:
Newgrounds
Deviantart
Wikipedia
Internet Archive
Youtube
Adventure Quest Worlds
'N' da trillions of other offenders.
But I will let my two favorite sites, 4-Chan and Pirate Bay remain as dhey have cute pictures and track my favorite pirated software. Nah. Fuck 'em, too!
Also, ye must celebrate dhis momentous day! Dat's an order of da king!
Love, Duke
Da King Has Spoken.
PS Yours truly has convinced Gamelon's Ally, The United States of America, to consider adopting and implementing dhese customs.
Da Chineses have a similar system and you don't read about dem complainin'!
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
My dearest nutshards;
Today marks da day of da greatest day of da year!
It's a good day 'cause it's a good day 'n' shit.
~Love, Duke.
PS:
Dost dhou asstrees wanna see dis group make a comeback to da realm of activity or dost dhou suck?
Legend of Zelda is thirty years old now.
Hey buttasses;
Da legend ob Zelduh is firty years old now.
Ah'm gonna go hab a beer and do nofhing else.
Love,
Duke
PS: You're a buttery butthole.
Happy Friday Da Thirteenfh, buttasses!
Mine was great! I sat on da toilet and played gameboy dhen realized dhat da Tri Force Heroes Box-Art looks a lot like Wand Of Gamelon II's box art.
I'll show you buttheads later.
Love,
Duke
Wii U/Nintendo Network ID
Dear gamerfaces;
How many of you have a Wii U or plan on getting one? If you don't; then screw you~! ;D
If you do, then let me tell you somethin'! I have a Wii U and want to become friends with you buttasses in the Miiverse so we can play games an' shit!
Mah Nintendo Net ID is DukeOnkled, thou hast better obey mah orders or face a ten second term in ye dungeon that doesn't even have HBO on the TV. >:D
Add me. Also, dhou wilt be obliged to inquire with me via DM if thou yields the desire to swap 3DS friend codes, buttass.
--
I haben't actually played really any shit on mah Wii U. When I got it, it bricked during da first use 'cause da
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But how will we masterbate to your wonderful porn your'onipitence?